Motherwell 1 Killie 2, Saturday 23rd May 2009 k/o 12:30.

video of  spoilsports by Killie ConMan:
YouTube Link:  

This is Scottish football’s premier league. It is po-faced and sour of attitude and only grudgingly accepts the attendance of paying customers, for whom no inconvenience is overlooked. The prices, the lack of amenities, the half-hearted catering, the moribund stares of  petty officialdom, the toilets, the league structure, the carelessness with kick-off times, the OF-obsessed media and the pompous refereeing. Why do we persist in attending games? It’s a question more and more fans seem to be having difficulty in answering.

You are not meant to enjoy it. There is a motto carved in phantom letters above the gates:  Abandon joy all ye who enter here. Oh, and no inflatable crocodiles allowed.

The weather forecast predicted rain. Just as unwelcome but just as predictably, Motherwell chose to open only the bottom tier. Perhaps they hoped that a rain-lashing would drown the away support or maybe they just don’t like Killie fans. Or perhaps it was merely the failure to care enough to consider their customers. Most likely the latter.

As it happens, the downpour failed to materialise and the grey skies failed to dampen the party atmosphere as the Killie boys turned out in Hawaii shirts and traffic-cone hats, replete with blow-up toys and a few nifty dance routines. The dance routines were mirrored on the field of play by the twinkle toes of Mehdi Taouil.

The skill and audacity shown by Flannigan at the start of the second half  in back-heeling the ball past a defender was worth the twenty quid alone, but this feat was unbelievably repeated by Fernandez, passing the ball to Taouil and cutting out three defenders. Killie supporters couldn’t believe their eyes when this triumph was then converted by Mehdi into the goal of the season as he side-stepped a defender, sold the keeper and maintained composure to slot home at the near post. This can’t be Killie, can it?

Invincible scored the first from a fine Taouil cross and although the defence went awol for the ‘Well equaliser it was understandable given the loss of three players to injury. Murray, then Pascali then Lilley replaced by Skelton, Fowler and O’Leary. All 14 players did a good job and although Motherwell had good chances and Killie squandered a string of crosses we deserved the win in what was an entertaining game for an end of season meaningless fixture.

But the first half was a bit bland and attention was focussed as much on the spoilsport behaviour of the Fir Park stewards who watched for a while with menace as the singing section threw around a few festive inflatables. This was fans having fun. How dare they? The croc was the main perp and in a perfectly construed pincer movement the stewards closed in from all sides, executing the manouevre with singular imperfection. They failed to eject the troublesome reptile and it enjoyed a few more minutes freedom before it was wrested physically from the fans as boos echoed round the stand. We were left in wonder as the snapper disappeared forever beneath the stand, it’s eventual fate unknown. Almost all other inflatable toys were similarly dispatched. One steward whose face was not completely torn brought out a few simple balloons for the kids, but there wasn’t any joy in them as they bobbled briefly across the seats. Balloons.

The Killie subs provided the best half-time entertainment we’ve seen for many a day, turning a simple game of keepie-up into a forfeit contest, with the loser having to bend down on the goal line as if waiting for a spanking. Then the remainder took penalty shots, trying to provide the punishment to the unfortunate’s hin’end. Despite some thunderously struck efforts (Combe), no-one suffered a red rear.

At the end a few Killie players tried to throw their jerseys to the crowd, but this is Fir Park and as noted above, fun is not allowed at Fir Park. Stewards intervened again. To be fair they passed on a couple of shirts, but made it an awkward process, robbing it of the immediacy and human touch the gesture deserved. Simon Ford ignored the warnings and louped the bill-boards to throw his shirt. Clancy gave a tiny wee lad his boots. Cute.

The players milled around saying their goodbyes to the fans and we did likewise, clapping our approval past a line of the greatest number of stewards and police we’ve seen at a game since the cup final. More bizarre than that, these players have conjured 44 points from what seemed a pretty disastrous season and have left us looking forward to the next one.  It would have seemed beyond hope only a few weeks ago.

They may take our crocodiles, but they cannot take our enduring sense of immense relief.

Here’s the views of some Motherwell fans:http://www.steelmenonline.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=2768